Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
