You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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