She's JV to your varsity
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
