yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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