What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
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I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
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So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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