I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
