Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I faked an abortion last night.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
