I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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