im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
