Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
