wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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