I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
