I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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