My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
