listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
