Duck Duck Cougar?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
either way he was missing a nipple.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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