Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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