No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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