You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
