pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
