I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
