is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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