Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
