I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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