when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
