I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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