why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize