Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
