I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you win again, gameday.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
