Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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