oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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