So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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