Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This baby is an asshole
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
