I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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