Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize