Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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