So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
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as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
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I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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