you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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