I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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