Having a random hookup so left but love u
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
