you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
