i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
