SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
