This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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