Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
