NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
