Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
