last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
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it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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