Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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