Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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