mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
