Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
