peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
