Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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