Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
