Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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