i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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