He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
