carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
