She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
