New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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