I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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