Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
