I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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