i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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