Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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