I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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