his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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