so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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