Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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