Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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